I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
