Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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