just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize