1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
