It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
