Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
