She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
