i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
