So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Say something about gay babies.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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