if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
