I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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