New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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