3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
