I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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