Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
