once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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