Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
