i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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