Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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