I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i black out too much to be "responsible"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
