I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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