Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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