Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
