I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
