I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he shaved USA in his pubs
i think i have two assholes
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
