Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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