I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
