Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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