It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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