is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize