Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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