this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
