Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
