i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
