i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
