guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
