It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
