I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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