I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You can't special order awesome
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
