Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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