I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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