My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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