Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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