So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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