Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
