We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
