If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
