She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The uberlube is also flammable
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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