Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
