I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize