Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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