On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
