Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
