A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
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