Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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