the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize