you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
