my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
