I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
