Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Congratulations! We have a period
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