ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
