So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
