Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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