stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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