I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
