Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
