Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize