that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
