Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
