I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize