The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
