So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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