I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
